I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
