Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
