I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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