he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
