The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys