Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.