Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
