TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?