i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
