sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
