I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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