hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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