i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize