ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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