We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
