I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
