dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
