dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
