I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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