she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
