he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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