Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
