When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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