she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize