Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
