yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
