You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
