new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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