Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
