You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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