We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize