Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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