Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize