I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there's paper in my vomit.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize