Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
