im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
