My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
