First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found the puke drawer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
