I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
