are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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