do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
