we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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