I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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