Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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