I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
