hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
