Please, let me fuck your mom
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
