he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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