i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
