i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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