I seem to have left my pride at pride
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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