I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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