He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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