I heard we made out
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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