Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
