I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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