Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize