White coat. Heels.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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