Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
