just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
