seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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