I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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