Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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