i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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