i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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