I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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