At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
